Motivation, Success and All That Jazz (basically, if I can do it, so can you, darling!)

It may come as a shock to you to find out I have completely changed my life in the last couple of years. And I mean I went from a person always wishing I could be better, that I could be healthier, that I could feel better and look better and do better… Well, you get my point.

I have struggled with many challenges in life including paralyzing issues such as depression, binge eating, being overweight, isolation, anxiety, PMDD (extreme PMS), you name it. I had days every month when I couldn’t even get out of my bed. Like I said: paralyzing.

Growing up I was the energetic girl who was always on the go and looking to learn, experience and help others. I was the life of every party, or at least that is how I felt. Then the war happened in my hometown and everything changed. My energy wasn’t gone, and my love and lust for life were still very much there, but our lives as we knew them were absolutely, irreversibly changed. From having to move to different countries, then eventually a different continent, it slowly began to feel like I was constantly almost drowning. I slowly developed an eating disorder, then depression (or was it the other way around?), anxiety…

It was early on I also realized I was an empath and that being around people without breaks was starting to take its toll. So I created a  habit of taking Sundays to myself only. I would have family lunches each Sunday but the rest of the day I would take for myself only, as a sanity/relaxation/self-care day. It was then I realized the power of change and importance of healthy habits.

We all know what our bad habits are, and most of us even know what we need to do in order to change them and become who and how we want to be, but we just don’t. It’s just too hard. Our brains certainly never make us think that we can do it all. Our brains are designed to go directly to negatives. I heard somewhere that we have 5 seconds to do something we want to do before our brains tell us we can’t do it and convince us to just leave it alone. I agree with this completely! This is why:

As the years went by, my depression and binge eating seemed to have intertwined into this never ending vicious circle: I would be depressed so I would go eat, and I would eat so much in hopes it would make me feel better but it would only work for 5 minutes before it made me feel more depressed, so, naturally, I would go for the fridge again. This spiraled me from an energetic girl to an insecure, overweight one who started hiding from the world, avoiding my friends, because “who could ever love and be friends with THIS?!”. This went on for years, never getting better, only getting worse. But I knew that having pasta and carbs was making it all much worse for me and that changing that alone would bring me some relief, yet this went on for years. I thought it would be too hard. My life would change too much. Who would I be without this “comfort”. I was simply scared and alone.

My mom was always there for me. Both my mom and grandma raised me and supported me through all the months of unemployment, bad days and bad years. So when my mom got sick in 2013 with cancer, all I wanted was to be someone she could be proud of. I still couldn’t change. I helped my mom through cancer and we even thought she was cured for a while there until the dreaded hospital visit and talk with the doctors. Cancer was metastasized; she barely had months left to live.

Devastation that followed that conversation for years simply cannot be described. If you never lost a loved one, you won’t understand it. If you have, then you already know it all too well.

My eating habits and depression escalated and mixed with grief so I was not in a good place. It wasn’t until I ended up in a hospital being told I was predibetic that my mind was finally clear. I had a choice. I could chose to just start taking pills right now, or change my life completely and be a different person. Let’s face it, this person wasn’t doing much for me. And so my change begun.

First thing was first, I had to change the way I was eating and viewing food. I did my research and soon enough I viewed bread and bad carbs as simply poisonous to me. I became fully aware that eating them would not only give me diabetes but that I always felt so much more depressed when I had them too. So they had to go. I changed the way I was thinking about food. It became fuel for my energy rather than the killer. Sugar was the very first thing to go. Sugar was the biggest poison to my body of all. I started googling and using Pinterest for low carb recipes, and soon enough I was experimenting on my own and creating more wonderful foods that made me happy and healthy. My energy was back, excess pounds started melting off on their own even though I kept eating constantly, and even my mind was clearer. The great thing about low carb foods is that you can never overeat on protein, so my binge eating days were easily over. My depression almost completely lifted and it felt like the fog that seemingly permanently made home in my brain has left the building. I felt free. I felt like a sunny day after years of fog, rain, snow and tornados. I finally felt free to become who I was meant to be.

I won’t lie to you though, I said my depression was almost all gone. Out of 100% of depression I felt I had for years, I felt that maybe 5% was left to occasionally peak its head through my door when Mother Nature brings my monthly reminder that it can be super painful to be a woman sometimes (but hey, this is why we are oh so tough!). But the difference is staggering. I went from not being able to leave my bed for days to being mildly sad and moody. If you’ve ever had or have depression, you know what I mean.

But I do still have to deal with it and this brings me back to creating happy and healthy habits. For example, I went from hating getting up early in the mornings to having beautiful mornings even when I have to wake up at 4:00am for work on a Sunday morning (like today!). No, I’m not bullshitting you. This took time. Habits take time. But I did this and am a better, and more importantly happier, person than I was before. The trick is simple: instead of doing a bad habit you usually do in the morning, find one or two new ones that would take the same amount of time and stick to them for 3 weeks. They say it takes about 3 weeks for a habit to stick and I agree. It took me 3 weeks to quit smoking after 20 years of doing that so I do know a little bit about what I’m talking about. Plus in all that time as I was changing, I also became a life coach. I wasn’t just changing my eating habits; I was changing the way I think, feel, and am. And I love my life now! I wake up looking forward to the day instead of crippled by the anxieties and depressions I had to hug each morning for more than 10 years of my life. I am free.

My mornings are currently as follows: wake up at 4:00am, cuddle my kitties for the first 30 or so minutes – and they say you shouldn’t snooze – I say snooze away (they make my heart happy and make me think of everything I am grateful for as they keep purring and cuddling with me – it is a ritual we created!), go shower (I like to listen to motivational music and videos as I do), do my makeup (this is part of my self-care and self-love habit, and once I have makeup on, it is a damn shame to not leave the house!), do my hair (well, I did do my makeup so might as well…) and by the time I’m done getting ready, I am hungry and ready for some nourishment. I feed my kitties as I put my coffee on and prepare my breakfast. I grew up with my grandma always making me eggs for breakfast so they’re still my favorites. I love to make devilled eggs and have them ready in the fridge so I just plate them while I make my Bosnian coffee. I love eggs and Bosnian coffee brings me happiness no other coffee ever could. By the time I finish my breakfast and coffee, I am ready to conquer the world. But don’t let my simple habits fool you, they took long time to develop as I was doing trial and error to find what will work for me and what didn’t. And this is what I recommend you do if you truly want to change. I’m not claiming this can cure anything, I am saying healthy habits will make you feel better about yourself and your life. Who doesn’t want that?!

I know it seems scary and hard and maybe you’ll “start tomorrow”. I say start now. You know what you have to do, don’t you? If you don’t, go and research – google was made for exactly that! Once you have a plan, start small. Starting too big will backfire; trust me, I’ve done that way too many times to admit. Start by creating a smaller, healthy habit and focusing solely on doing it every day. Accept that it is now a part of you and once you know it is, get another one going. You got this. I believe in you.

Don’t forget to be fierce in your self-discovery and brave in all the steps you will need to take. For now, just take the first one and you will be way ahead. You deserve to live the life that makes you happy! And if you ever need any help, find me here: http://www.confidentyou.ca.

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Special Life Coaching Sale

12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS SALE!
Holidays are awesome if you celebrate any of them! And we think they should come with fabulous gifts! To show you how much we care, we have a couple of offers that will last only until December 23rd, so grab them while you can!
* Have you been meaning to make a big change in life (or a few smaller ones) and feel a bit stuck and unsure how to proceed? As a life coach, I can guide you and help you accomplish everything you want!

* How fabulous would your life be if you stopped constantly wishing and dreaming about changing your life, and started living your dreams instead?

* Do you want to get that new office? Let’s get it!

* Do you want to have a successful career? Let’s plan for it and take action!

* Do you want to become healthier? You can do it and I can show you how!

* Do you want to become happier in life? Of course you do!

* Are you ready to take the next step to becoming the person you know you can be? Then read on!
If you can imagine it, you can accomplish it!
In my professional experience, sessions that have the best effects on clients last 45 minutes, and a person needs at least 4 sessions, completed once a week, to make a smaller change. Best changes happen through 8 sessions (which is 8 weeks!) and have positive lasting effects on clients’ lives!
So if you’re ready to start living the life you keep wishing for, check out my incredible offers:
LIFE COACHING FOR 4 SESSIONS – $400

(this is 30% off – You save over $100, plus a free 30 minute initial session! * This deal is ideal for smaller changes and guarantees to help you change your life for the better!)
LIFE COACHING FOR 8 SESSIONS – $600

(You save over $400! * This deal guarantees successful changes in life and will help you finally live the life you’ve always wanted! Doesn’t that sound fantastic?)
Confident You is life and confidence coaching that can get you where you’ve always wanted to be. We make sure we work with you and understand who you are so we can help you make changes for ultimate results! Our sole focus is on lasting results that will bring clients satisfaction they yearn for. So grab life by the balls right now and enter 2017 with your head held high because you’re finally taking charge of your own life and won’t stop ’til you get enough!
Contact us today on http://www.confidentyou.ca or by text on 4033993782.
This is the sign you were looking for. Time is now!

Not another low carb cookbook (but yes, there are recipes, too)

So I’ve decided to write a book and the title of this article will be its name. What do you think?

I’ve debated about writing this book for a while now, and I decided to go for it and educate the masses with just how I lost almost 40lbs so far (and I keep losing them almost daily). The trick is to portray exactly everything I’ve been through because losing this weight hasn’t been just about eating low carb and sticking to it. I was forced to completely change my life: eating and drinking habits, and especially the way I thought about my world at the time. You see, I now know that a lot of it is in the way you think. If you keep thinking that changing your lifestyle to low carb means giving up all the carbs and food you love, you will fail. It is that simple. Any time your mind goes to think that you’re losing something, you are immediately rejecting it all, and it is just a matter of time before you succumb to carbs and sugar and are sitting in your living room, feeling awful for overeating so much, and resenting yourself for your lack of commitment and resolve.

I spent many long, unhealthy years thinking that way so I know what I’m talking about. I tried everything I could, from writing a letter to my future, heathy self, to putting daily schedules for myself that were quite simply impossible to follow, and then breaking down from under pressure of it all, and turning back to food for my delusional comfort.

My switch to low carb lifestyle was easy though, because the choice was taken away from me. You see, every time I tried it before, I kept thinking “well, I may not have pasta for a while but that will change once I lose weight”. My thinking was always focused on eating and loving carbs, even though they made me sick and eating them was like an addiction. And the more I would obsess about how I can’t have them, the more I would crumble under pressure and eat even more of them, under circumstances I wouldn’t divulge to anyone because I was so ashamed. But once I ended up in a hospital and was told to either prepare to start taking medication for diabetes, or change my lifestyle completely, things were made easy for me. I found out my way of thinking was slowly making me sick and could potentially kill me. So my decision was easy. But I had to make sure my way of thinking was changed as well, or I was never going to succeed.

There were a few things I had to change about myself, and having become a certified life coach right around the same time was what saved me. I suddenly knew how to make a change the proper way, and how to make sure I don’t go back to self destructing my life, a life that I could’ve spent many years enjoying if only I knew all this sooner. But now I am here to help you, so you don’t have to go through my hell to get to finally loving your life, your mind and your body. It can be done. I know this, because I’ve done it, and I now spend each and every day enjoying my delicious meals thoroughly (yes, cookies and chocolate too!), I am never hungry, and I am still losing weight effortlessly. I am now able to walk better (I had a hip issue for years), do yoga and relaxation techniques that bring me happiness, and I love my life so much that I pursue my passions daily. I finally love my life. It only took me 30 something years, but I made it.

So if you’re struggling with any of this, I suggest checking out my book when it comes out. I do love cooking so of course there will be some delicious food recipes shared there as well, but this book is about making a healthy change in your life and a lot of aspects are from a perspective of a life coach to help you make an informaed decision and stick to it.

A few things that will be covered in the book are:

AWARENESS. (See previous article) Become aware of your life. As a life coach, this helped me make my change and I want to help you too. Self awareness opens a world of confidence, empowerment and change in our lives. Embracing self awareness means you are able to grasp your own weaknesses, strengths, thoughts, beliefs, emotions and motivation. Once you are able to evaluate yourself and your personality, you are able to fully take lead of your life.

HABITS. Your habits can make you or break you. Don’t focus on breaking your habits but adding healthy ones to your life instead. This is how I stopped smoking after 20 years of being a full time smoker, and it is how I changed my whole life for the better.

BINGE EATING. Not enough is covered about binge eating, and I believe a lot of overweight and obese people have this disorder. I have had it for many years myself and the only way I could finally say I recovered was by changing to a low carb lifestyle. You honestly cannot overeat on veggies and protein, I’ve tried!

MENTAL ISSUES. Having dealt with depression and PTSD, and only knowing of soothing myself with food at the time, this eventually became a vicious circle. I would get depressed so I would go eat carbs that give me pleasure for 5 minutes before they make me feel even more depressed, so I would go eat again, and again, and the vicious circle continued for years. The beautiful thing I noticed when my body had the carbs out of my system for not even a month, was that my depression was almost non existent! Sure I still get PMS depression, but compared to days spent in bed feeling like dying, not being able to go to work or even communicate with people, and feeling absolutely desperate and miserable, this one seems like a mild sadness. (I am not implying that everyone’s depression can be solved with food, and I highly recommend seeing a professional for any mental health issues. This just happened to be my story and how carbs affected me.)

ALCOHOL. Alcohol is a depressant and that can easily turn into a carb eating festival, especially if alcohol in question also has a lot of carbs. Maybe that is why most diets, if not all, tell you to not drink it, ever. To that I say “get out of my way, I’m getting that wine right now!”. I’ve been enjoying wine since I started my low carb lifestyle and I fucking love it. As long as I can have my wine with cheese, I am more than happy. And that’s exactly what I’ve been doing and still losing weight. So ignore those wine haters and just pour yourself a glass, dear.

PERSPECTIVE. I mentioned how your thinking can either help you or hinder your progress. Changing your perspective is how you change your life. Once you know, understand and love the change you’re doing to yourself and your body, you will love your life and embrace it as the powerful tool to have all your dreams come true. It truly is all possible. Can you imagine living your dream life? What’s that like?

SELF LOVE. If you don’t love yourself now, you won’t love yourself more when you’re skinny. A lot of people think this will be the case but most of the time you don’t love yourself because of an internal issue you are yet to deal with. Loving yourself most often has nothing to do with your body but with how you think about yourself and how you are able to deal with life as it comes. I know it is sometimes so hard to love yourself, but I will show you how to start this journey with self love, so when you do come to the point of your life where you have everything you’ve ever wanted, you will be able to enjoy it too.

I am super excited to share this book with everyone who might enjoy this and need a little help from a friend. I only have one requirement: must love cookies!

To Be (Self Aware) or Not to Be 

Self awareness opens a world of confidence, empowerment and change in our lives. Promoting self awareness in clients means they are able to grasp their own weaknesses, strengths, thoughts, beliefs, emotions and motivation. Once they are able to evaluate themselves and their personalities, they are able to fully take lead of their lives. They are able to fully acknowledge and change what they need to, in order to be and feel fulfilled. They are able to see clearly what is stopping them from their goals, plans and dreams, and adjust accordingly. They are able to reasonably and effectively plan all their desires into realities without confusion or constant defeat. Promoting self awareness is promoting dreams come true. Once a person is fully aware of who they are and what they are capable of, they are able to fully tap into their potential and accomplish everything they wish. 

A person fully aware of their weaknesses can address them and create a life where these weaknesses are turned into success. Weakness is only a weakness if we are not aware of it, otherwise it just becomes a tool that helps us better ourselves. A weakness is a challenge on the road to improvement.

Being aware of personal strengths opens a window into a world full of possibilities that may not have been considered before, which in turn shows many ways of accomplishing a goal or plan they are set out to do that weren’t options before. Using our strengths for finding a way to reach our goals is ensuring all the steps taken to our goals are steps done with talent and love.

Becoming aware of our thoughts, whether negative or positive, shows us who we truly are inside. A person may not be aware that they use negative self talk on themselves most of the time which can easily hinder any progress. Negative self talk of a person trying be healthy, for example, could potentially make the person fail on their attempt and, worse yet, send them on a binge eating path. Creating positive self talk and awareness of the negative help change the person’s view of themselves. From a sad, unmotivated person who got used to negative self talk, we could see a person flourishing into a positive, energetic and enthusiastic person who helps everybody, including themselves, feel fantastic, once the positive self talk takes over.

Beliefs, whether religious, spiritual, scientific or of another kind make us into beings that we are. Belief in our fellow man can help make a person feel better knowing somebody will always be there for them. Some people find comfort and strength in religion, some in spiritual practices. Mostly our beliefs can help give us strenght, awareness and hope. Our beliefs can also be of a simpler kind, a belief that we can’t do something that was engraved in our brains from a young age and has stayed with us since. Becoming aware of a belief that is stopping us from reaching our goals helps us change this belief to a one of empowerment and success. The first step is becoming aware of what that belief is.
Being emotionally aware of ourselves can helps us on our road to success as well. Emotions help lead us in life toward our happiness, whether in relationships, family or business. We rely on our emotions to show us who we are but we sometimes lose awareness of just why our emotions are the way they are. Becoming honest, aware and accepting of your emotions and yourself can show us a clear picture of a life that can make us happy. 

Motivational awareness helps us follow through on our goals and plans to get where we want to be. We can have all the desire, knowledge and plans we can come up with but none of them will happen on their own. Having motivational awareness helps us deal with any shortcomings that could potentially hinder our progress. If a person is fully aware that heir motivation lacks on Sundays, they can plan to skip Sundays and do a bit more on either Saturdays or Mondays. Being aware of where the motivations is needed the most, clients can plan to perhaps listen to a motivational audio or video that will help them reach their goals for the day, and therefore complete their goals and plans as planned. 

In conclusion, self awareness brings us to knowing ourselves deep inside. Once we know ourselves, we can accept ourselves just as we are, and work on parts we would like to improve. Improving ourselves is what helps us on the road to our dreams, and we all want to have our dreams comes true, don’t we?

How life coaching changed my life! 

I always knew I wanted to help people. I spent most of my life searching for the way to help people but I always knew my calling and purpose, even when it seemed I didn’t. I grew up very lucky. My family wasn’t rich or anything like that, we had just enough to be happy, and somehow I always knew that was more than most people had in life. I had a beautiful family growing up that shared so much love that I couldn’t grow up happier. I knew I was lucky in life every time I saw a sad boy or girl in school and could cheer them up. I even knew it when I was a teenager growing up in war for 2 years, and lived to tell about it. I lived to tell about many things in life, though many I prefer not to talk about much. I am grateful though, for all the awful, miserable, crushing experiences I went through, because I am able to help people who are going through them now! I can help you discover exactly who you are, what you need to be happy in life and exactly how to work towards getting that life. I am an expert in going through challenges in life and coming out on top. Believe me, practice makes perfect!

Hi! My name is Krinka and I am a life coach. I am a professional makeup artist, photographer (with sole focus on confidence photography), project coordinator of 12 years (even though it wasn’t what I was meant to do), cake decorator (but not a very good one as I don’t even know how to back a cake, just decorate it), certified accountant (though I hate taxes!), and currently taking an NLP certificate (which stands for Neurolinguistic Programming). I am a creator of Confident You company that helps people reach their full confidence and potentials. I am a creator of Women Helping Women movement as well, because it is high time we focus on helping each other, don’t you think? I am also a huge advocate of being true to oneself. BE UNAPOLOGETICALLY YOURSELF. I spent many years of my life confused about who I was and who I was supposed to be according to society. I strongly felt that I had to hide who I truly was from a lot of people because I never thought they could understand and accept me just as I was: a person with unique experiences. I finally accept and love all that I am! I love that I am a life coach (even if that sounds like a broken record!). I love that I am finally healthier in life and becoming fitter every day but simply eating delicious and correct food and listening to my body. I love that I am able to be myself whether somebody likes it or not. I help people! I also dye my hair and have tattoos. I believe in kindness and thoughtfulness. I believe little things in life are what make life worthwhile. I believe all people have the ability and a way to find their happiness in life: through a satisfying job, happy love life, happy relationships, through anything that makes them happy really! I believe in passion and my passion is helping people in life. It is my dream come true. And believe me when I tell you: If I could do it, so can you! 

Discovering life coaching was a discovery of my life. As a younger gal I remember considering going to school for physiology because I wanted to help people so badly. Ultimately, realizing 8 years of school would have me in debt for many years, I decided against it. If only I had known of life coaching then, a big chunk of my life wouldn’t now feel like it was wasted. But hey, I’m thankful I discovered it this year as I am finally living the life I want, and am able show you how you can do it too!

So if you’re feeling stuck in life, with no job, or a job you hate, looking for your purpose in life, your happiness and a way to look forward to all the tomorrows, please contact me. I love helping everyone, in a nonjudgemental and respectful way. You can find my info at http://www.confidentyou.ca. Or contact me here or at https://m.facebook.com/Fabulous.Confident.You/.
I look forward to helping you get to know yourself, and fully living and loving the life you have!

Failure, success… What’s the big deal?

I recently completed my life coaching certificate which was, truth be told, a long time coming. It took me years to even start my classes which brings me toone of the crucial things I learned from them: fear of failure vs fear of success, what are they, how they stop your improvement and what to do about them? My course made valid and reasonable points: fear of failure means you’re terrified that the failure will be something you won’t be able to handle emotionally or otherwise, and fear of success means fear of just how much you’re capable of accomplishing – what if all you can do is too little of what you expect of yourself, or too much? But are they really so disconnected? Let’s see…

What constitutes a failure? I’m sure different people would have many different definitions, main one would likely be “inability to succeed”. But how do you succeed if not through your failures? How do you learn what works and doesn’t if not through trial and error?

When my mom passed away I had a hard time dealing with the loss. I was so stressed and such a nervous wreck that even my memory suffered, greatly. I spent almost an entire year not being able to retain short term memory, having no ability to focus and being painfully aware I lost most of my long term memory. Those are, of course, also some of the symptoms of PTSD, or at least how it affected me this time. I felt stuck in one place with no way to see through to the other side and no way to go back to who I was before. In an effort to regain some parts of myself, I researched ways to retrain my brain to think as normally as possible, like a muscle trying to repair itself. I managed to find this app that helps you use your brain through a variety of tests and learnings such as listening, writing, speaking, math and reading. You use this app daily and complete 3 random tests such as adjective recall, extraction and syntax (to name just a few), and slowly your brain starts adjusting to retaining new information and even remembering some of the old that seemed lost at the time. 

I absolutely love this app (I am not mentioning any names as I am not here to advertise it, just to make a point through my story). I try to do it every day, but sometimes I will still forget, or the day would start crazy busy ,and the next thing I know, I missed a few days. But I love to start my day by playing the app when I first wake up and checking how my brain is working that day. I realized at some point that if I got interrupted in the middle of my exercise (by phone ringing for example) that I would have an option to continue, restart or go to the main menu. This was a game changer for me. I realized that if I loved a game and I wanted to ace it and get the high score (scores are tracked for you for every game to show your progress) and I was making too many mistakes, that restarting it before I finished it wouldn’t count and I could keep going over and over again until I got the high score. Some would say I failed the test each time I restarted, I say I worked towards perfection. Was each attempt a failure? Perhaps, I would guess it depends who you ask. Were they necessary? Absolutely! If I haven’t failed numerous times, I wouldn’t be able to reach the top that I desired to climb. In fact, I wouldn’t move at all. Without failure, there is no progress. Without progress, a life is wasted. So you see, failure is crucial in life, a stepping stone, a lesson, a learning curve we all must endure to reach our highest potential and live the life we dream of. Failure is just as important in life as success. The road to success is built on failures that taught you how to reach higher than ever before.


Which brings me to fear of success and how easily it happens in life. Fear of success is fear of our true colours, our true potential and whether we can achieve what we yearn for in life. An example of fear of success could be being afraid to try having a new business. I am now in the process of starting my life coaching business and empowering women. I’m am so excited about it but I still daily deal with both the fear of failure and fear of success. I am mortified that I will fail in my attempts to help people, even though I know in my whole being that helping people is exactly what I am meant to do in my life. I have the talent that helps people and I love doing nothing better. I’m also scared that I will be too successful: will my success change who I am as a person? Could it change me for the worst? People are corrupted by success, and power it brings, daily, I don’t want this to happen to me. There are so many thing that could go wrong with such a big change, just like with every single thing we do in life. But I decided to throw all caution to the wind (so to say! Believe me this was not done suddenly and a lot of thought, effort, research and hard work was put into it) and just do it. If not now, when? 

I repeat: if not now, when?

I decided to take all the steps I wanted to take my whole life but couldn’t for one reason or another. This year and last I took numerous classes for all things that interested me in life but I couldn’t take before because I was too busy or it wasn’t the right time. My mom passing away made me realize there never is the right time! You either do it now or don’t, there will never be the right time! There is never the right time to change careers, to have a baby, to be happy and fulfilled in life. We keep thinking there is always tomorrow, but my mom passing away made me realize there is no such thing. Any second now one of us could cease to exist for one reason or another. I would hate for my last thoughts to be a regret of not doing something I always wanted to because I kept putting it off, and realizing the time is up and I wasted my life on things that weren’t that important to me at all. Wouldn’t you?

So you see fears of either failure or success are similar in that they stop us from starting something that could change our lives for the better. But realization that your big dreams, plans and goals make you nervous because they mean something to you, could make all the difference. If it makes you that nervous, it means it is that important to you, and you should definitely do it! Important things in life are scary, but worth it.

Try not to succumb to the fear of failure but accept failure as a lesson that will only get you closer to your dreams. Accept that the more you fail the better you become, and see failure as a positive thing it is in our lives. Failure only shows you what doesn’t work so you can discover what does. And don’t be afraid of your dreams coming true, success is the road to improvement, a road to a life that will make you happy. Reaching your full potential is life changing but it also means you will be liberated, free and finally able to accept and love yourself for exactly who you are. You will be able to be true to yourself and be happy with all your choices in life. And isn’t that a dream come true for us all? 

Self image or self damage…

I don’t know about you but I always thought hanging out with friends and having some wine and cheese was a time well spent. You relax, don’t think about your worries, and just enjoy every second. It wasn’t until my self image got distorted that I realized just how much effort it may take for some people to even go out and meet anyone when their self image isn’t positive. As usual, I learned the hard way. 
I’ve been battling depression for quite a few years and I never quite figured out if it was because I had PTSD on and off, or because I had PMS, or perhaps it was just there on its own. Whatever the reason, with depression came many disabilities. One of mine turned out to be binge eating. In case you’re not aware of it, binge eating is a disorder where you eat too much but don’t purge afterwards like anorexics do. Personally I believe it is one of the causes of obesity but I only speak from my own experience. The thing is that it is so easy to overeat. A lot of the time, let’s say for Thanksgiving, you hear about people preparing to wear loose clothes and then see people overeat, and then just lay there after, saying they ate way too much. That’s one day in a year that you’ve regretted that decision and felt pretty badly afterwards, both physically and mentally. For a binge eater, that can be a daily struggle. 

Mine started with occasional eating, maybe once a month, that increased exponentially when depression hit me. Next thing I knew I entered a vicious circle of overeating, then feeling horrible about it which made me more depressed which made me eat more… I think you see my point.

With weight increase and depression brain (depression brain is something I call when your brain cannot shut off the negative thoughts and it convinces you they are true) telling me I’m disgusting, fat and ugly; it wasn’t long until I started staying home more, hiding from the world. If they can’t see me and how dreadful I am, then they can’t acknowledge that, and therefore cannot hurt me. And I can stay in this world of denial forever. You fool yourself into believing that doing anything mindlessly is okay too (such as constant watching of TV) so you don’t think about how much more sick you feel with each day, all the while you eat and eat and eat. And then the ghastly day of realization happens: you see a photograph of yourself you simply cannot ignore. “I’ve gained 50 pounds and I am actually ugly now!” You’re not, but your depressed and negative brain tells you you are while it isolates you at home with more food, and binge eating, and crying sessions fuelled by self pity. 

This went on for a long long time for me as I’m sure it does for a lot of people. Weeks go by, then months, years, and you’re only feeling worse as things are not getting better. And every once in a while, when you feel you’ve reached the bottom, you make a supreme decision to improve your life: you will eat healthier, and exercise, and that will also help you with depression. You make the decision to get better, and you research everything you can to prepare for you start towards a new life. And you start on Monday. And maybe you stick to it for a few days, maybe been weeks, but eventually you’re back to your old self. That is until you find yourself at a new bottom, with the same supreme decision brewing again as you vow to get better, and this time you will definitely stick to it. And so on, and so on. The vicious circle continues. 

I was lucky in my life to have had a big scare of pre-diabetes that had people talk to me bluntly, it has changed my life. I went on a healthy low carb lifestyle and haven’t been able to binge eat ever since. When you eat proteins with leafy greens and lower carb vegetables, you simply cannot overeat as protein makes you fuller faster, and you simply stop when you’re full. You’re physically not able to overeat. Plus all the bad carbs that you were addicted to are not around to make you overeat any more which makes things so much easier. Of course, I crave some comfort foods from time to time, but I’ve learned to make them low carb and it makes the world of a difference. And when I finish eating them, I actually feel satisfied and wonderful. There is no feelings of regret or self hatred for failing to do what I said I would again (eat healthy and feel better about myself), only energy and inner peace. I’m telling you, a warning of an imminent illness and a quick limb loss or death can make you pick your health over that burger and fries in a heartbeat!

I am now finally starting to feel better and lose weight without starving myself (and starving coincidentally makes you binge eat even worse!). I see myself as a person who is getting healthier which is finally a positive self image. Your brain can play tricks on you, and what once was a great positive self image, can quickly turn into damaged view of yourself and the world around you. It is dangerous, and living in the world where the media, and most of the population who believe everything media says, constantly tell you to be thinner, and prettier, with better hair, and better attitude, and better smile – it’s exhausting and wrong! 

Let me tell you a little bit about media: if they make you feel badly about yourself, about anything about yourself, that means you will go and buy whatever you need to feel like the media, and hence the world in this scenario, will like you and you won’t be disgusting any more. This is the world we live in. But, and it saddens me that I have to say this, the media lies. Most of the stuff they show on TV is not real: that chick that just woke up on that soap commercial and looks fantastic and natural – she had both hair and makeup done by professionals. It is called “the no makeup makeup look”, and it is one of the harder ones to do. But it exists, I know – I am a certified makeup artist and I was taught this at school. That happy skinny model they showed with flawless skin and no cellulite also has makeup on and a band of professionals from photographers (different angles alone show different flattering or not so flattering sides), makeup and hair artists, Photoshop group of people to adjust everything else that may have been missed… By the end of the day, the perfect person you see in the picture for whatever they’re selling hardly looks like the actual person who modelled for it. It is media’s job to sell you perfection that doesn’t exist, so you can strive for it forever, spending thousands of dollars for something you will never achieve.

I could honestly go on and on about this but it all comes down to this: you are more than your face, your hair, your looks. But you do have one body to live with and you should treat it as exactly what it is: a vessel that will soon expire. It is up to you how long this vessel lasts, and I suggest you nourish your soul first and enjoy your life fully. You are the only person in this world who looks like you, feels like you and thinks like you. You fulfill this world and make it what it is. Accept yourself as a magnificent being that you are and don’t worry about the pimples on your nose, or the beer belly, or the flabby skin, or whatever flaws you think you have… Your time spent alive on this earth is not spent well focusing on these things. Spend time with friends and family who love you for everything that you are. Share you laughter, love, intelligent conversations… It is what will teach you new things and expand your brain, heart and soul in many different and exciting ways… That is what life is all about! Beauty is highly subjective and you’re not alive to save the world with it (at least I haven’t heard of that happening yet!). You are here to be the sum of your experiences – make them count! We don’t have too long on this earth, a lifetime is gone before you know it, so use your time wisely. 

To bring my wiseassery to an end, let me just say this: if you’re reading this and you feel alone, not perfect or good enough – I am here to tell you you are absolutely perfect in all your imperfections! You are beautiful inside and out, and I dare you to think of all the things that make you proud to be you! You have accomplished so much and have so much to be grateful for and look forward to, remember? If you take the time right now to name at least 5 of the things you accomplished, are grateful for and are looking forward to, I guarantee you will feel so much better super fast. 

Now go ahead: open that wine, cut up some cheese, and call up at least one of your friends to come over. Give your soul the nourishment and love it needs. Friends and wine do that. Mmmm, wine.